Challenges in the Construction Industry: From Workplace to Home
This year, although off to an excellent start overall, has weighed heavily on my heart. More than ever, I am speaking with people starting over in their personal lives because their marriages have ended. The number of these individuals who are empty nesters is astonishing, so I decided to look it up and found that the divorce rate for couples over 50, including empty nesters, has doubled over the course of the past generation. Others who are younger state that finances and career expectations were never aligned. If you read my book, Happily Married to Your Employer, you’ll know that the analogies comparing homelife and work life are because my husband and I raised a blended family. We discovered the vast comparisons to work life and how most definitely work is a huge part of each of our lives and not a separate entity from our home lives. Each must align with the other for mutual success.
According to a recent article by Forbes and various legal websites, overall divorce rates are down. In 2000, close to a million divorces and annulments occurred, yet, sadly, we still have close to 700,000 annually in the US, and it is not due to more marriages. It is due to more cohabitation without commitment, and although it is difficult to find the statistics, they do track those who live together before marriage. The Law office of Alexandra White, a Colorado family attorney, states that lack of commitment is the most common reason for divorce, at 75%. Most divorcees believe they did all they could to save the marriage and tend to cast blame on the other partner. Ironically, if they don’t commit from the beginning, what makes you think they will stay committed in the long run? If they point one finger at their partner, three often come back at them. It is much the same in employment. Those employees and employers committed to putting together a path for success and creating open lines of communication to adjust emotions have a much higher chance of long-term success together. Both sides must be willing to be vulnerable and do so.
Balancing Home Responsibilities with Project Deadlines in Construction Management
Everyone who works in the development and construction industry, particularly the commercial, multifamily, and high-rise segments, knows the challenges that come with balancing responsibilities at home with project deadlines at work. Additionally, many days can feel like you are on a battlefield, and once home, a much-needed release or downtime is needed to get enough recharge to excel back at work the next workday.
For those who need a release, sports, entertainment, and social are often at the top of their agendas. For those who need downtime, retreating from others—often including their significant others—may be a choice.
In both cases, it is notably not because of lack of love or disinterest in being together with their life partner; it is to regulate their behavior so when they are together, they are better together.
Enter multiple children into the equation and (despite the unconditional love and devotion you have for them) their excitement and desire for attention. Their desire to be with you instantly when you get home can become a disappointment in a child’s life memories if the need to decompress is not explained in advance, and the other parent is often left defending them when you just need a few minutes to gather your thoughts and emotions to transition from your work to your homelife responsibilities and relationships.
Addressing Emotional Needs: A Proactive Approach
We had a houseguest recently who spoke about how amazing her father was at his work, as a man, and as a father to her and her siblings. Yet she had memories of him being introverted and wanting alone time after work despite being extroverted outside of the home. She was an extrovert and not in full-time employment, so most likely, she brought it up as if it was not a fond memory, and she did not understand why. Simple communication by her father to state something like, “Would you give me a little time by myself when I first get home to recharge my battery so I can give you the best attention?” would not have left her questioning his change in behavior upon entering their home.
Transitioning from Work to Home: A Crucial Aspect of Construction Project Management
I had an employee say once that her best friend was married to a high-action, high-result construction manager, and they had multiple children. My employee was commenting on what an offense her friend thought her husband’s behavior was when he came home from work. Inquiring further, it was because his wife and the children would bombard him when he first walked in the door. They not only were excited to see him, but they also had a myriad of needs from him vocalized all at once. I suggested she tell her friend to keep the children back or only send one to greet him with her when he arrived. She said she tried it, and he was like a different person as he transitioned to homelife from work. Many of us in the industry are process-minded and fixers by nature. We can get overwhelmed when approached with too much emotion from multiple people vying for our attention. We must intentionally slow down and realign ourselves when approached with intertwined, unrelated questions or statements to address each accordingly and without emotionally demonstrating a lack of empathy for others.
Construction Industry Challenges: Seasons of Change in Personal and Professional Life
In our work and personal lives, relationships start with both sides being willing participants. What does this look like?
Be aware of seasons and how others react to the changes that accompany them. In our homelife, seasons may accompany health, wealth, location, careers, or anything that requires a shift in time and resources. A new baby in the household and young adults leaving home are included in this category.
Discussions with both your spouse and your employer as to needs and expectations and the surrounding emotions can prevent adverse reactions that can lead to divorce when one or the other does not feel supported emotionally by the other. The same happens in business when a long-term employee leaves or a new employee arrives on the scene and other employees do not share any trepidation they may have. A natural reaction to both is flight or fight. Fight is the ability to eliminate fear and pride to ask for help before the other partner chooses flight.
If you are in a season where you need help on how to prepare for life conversations before having them with your spouse, I highly recommend a conversation with the coaches at Married for a Purpose. If you have questions about how to address your needs in the workplace, we offer sound career advice or a resource best suited for your needs.
Adversity in Construction: How It Shapes Relationships in the Workplace and at Home
In our personal and work lives, times of adversity make or break the relationship. Ask those who have chosen divorce over hard work together to get through life’s challenges how often they ask, “What if we had shared our struggle?” Watch this video about a couple who chose to fight for the love and relationship they knew was there despite the circumstances.
Two are better than one in personal life and business life. Why? Because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. Pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
When you were growing up, did you ever allege your parents were playing favoritism with one of your siblings, unaware of a sibling’s actions or behavior affecting you or the family? This is similar to what happens in the workplace. Have you worked for a team of two executives with whom you were endeared, and now one of them is no longer there and possibly a new one has come in and you miss the previous relationship? This is similar to what happens in personal life with divorce and remarriage. Both scenarios can only be recaptured for your sake through communicating your feelings and needs through the situation and often by asking a non-biased party to mediate.
If it is broken or damaged, you need a plan to fix it or choose to throw it away. Even throwing it away requires alignment with the choice you made so history does not repeat itself.
To Making it Happen Instead of Letting it Happen,
Suzanne Breistol
