A survey conducted by CareerBuilder in 2020 found that 34% of workers have dated a coworker at some point in their careers, and 24% said they had dated someone from a higher position in the company. My husband and I were introduced to each other by a former co-worker of his. We will celebrate our 21st wedding anniversary on the 21st of November. That associate married someone working in Construction Management a few years after we were married. In both cases, none of us dated anyone from the companies we employed with, and while we were dating and married to industry professionals, we saved romance for outside of work and business hours, yet the ability to understand the commitment associated with working in the industry has helped when time-sensitive work responsibilities needed one of us to cover for the other personally.
Love and Commitment in Construction Management
I asked ChatGPT to help me out with the different types of love other than those in the Bible—Eros, Storge, Philia, and Agape, God’s love for humankind—which I am most familiar with. Love is mentioned over 300 times in the Old Testament and over 200 in the new. So, ChatGPT had the well-known four types of love, yet AI produced two more.
AI added Pragma, stating it as a practical and long-standing love that is often found in long-term relationships or marriages. It is characterized by commitment, understanding, and compromise. We often see this kind of love in the workplace when employees have worked for their employers or supervisors for many years. In order for that to occur there had to be commitment, understanding, and compromise, as not only do ups and downs occur in the business world, with changes in the economy, technology, personnel, vendors, and more, things change and occur in our personal lives that have to balance so we can dedicate committed time for employment.
One of my employees, who was with us for sixteen years, had two children when we hired her and four, including one with special needs, a few years into our relationship. Her husband works in the hospitality industry, so regular business hours for him were unheard of. Her commitment was unwavering, and our understanding and compromise with one another, although tested at times, demonstrated not only Pragma but also Storge. Although it has been a few years since she worked for us (due to moving out of the area), to this day, she is like another daughter to me in my heart, and I would be there in a heartbeat if she needed anything from me.
The sixth kind of love AI mentioned was Philautia. They describe it as self-love, understood in two different ways: unhealthy self-love, where a person is narcissistic and selfish, or healthy self-love, where a person has a strong sense of self-worth and self-care. The modern equivalent of Philautia would be something like self-esteem (good) or hubris (bad). We are not going to cover this one right now. It speaks for itself.
Following a Coworker to a New Construction Job
When it comes to finding Pragma in Construction Management, it is oftentimes built and then taken advantage of in time by one of the parties that wants so badly to preserve the relationship, they keep following that person to the next employer, even if it isn’t the right career move for them to make. The happiness affiliated with working with that person can quickly be altered when one or the other doesn’t have as sweet an employment deal as the other.
I asked ChatGPT, “How many friends follow each other to a new employer?”
ChatGPT: “There isn’t a specific statistic on how many friends follow each other to a new employer, as it can vary based on individual circumstances, industries, and other factors. However, it’s not uncommon for friends to consider job opportunities together or for one friend to recommend another for a position at their new employer. Networking and referrals from friends can be important factors in the job search process for many people.”
When I asked, “How many friends follow each other to a new job,” ChatGPT wrote: “There isn’t a specific statistic on friendships broken in the workplace, as it can vary greatly depending on the work environment, the nature of the friendships, and individual circumstances. However, conflicts and disagreements can arise in any setting, including the workplace, which can sometimes lead to the breakdown of friendships. It’s important for individuals to communicate openly and respectfully with their friends in the workplace to try to resolve any issues that may arise.”
ChatGPT did not even talk about the follow but the consequences often associated with the follow.
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Finding Pragma Love in the Construction Workplace
Although I do not have exact statistics, my guess, after over twenty-five years of interviewing candidates in Construction Management and RE Development, is that close to seventy-five percent have followed a supervisor or co-worker that they developed, at minimum, admiration for and oftentimes a deeper love relationship with to a new place of employment. Our industry is famous for “the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t” and utilizing friendships and relationships to get things done. All of this is a good thing until commitment, understanding, and compromise (Pragma) is assumed rather than communicated by one side or the other.
Recently, we had a mature candidate in our office who had no reason to leave the employer they were with for five years yet chose to follow an associate he became friendly with to their new employer only to not get the workplace he could himself thrive and survive in (after resigning from his happy, secure workplace), which ultimately left this individual disillusioned and unemployed. Only time and forgiveness will possibly repair the friendship outside of work, yet it sounded like they had just met at the last employer.
If I had to determine how many friendships formed in school or at work are compromised when it is a follow situation instead of a mutually planned-together-move situation, the number would be at least fifty percent. We might need to count up the many notes in our files. Maybe AI can help us do that someday.
Asking Key Questions When Hiring a Friend in Construction
Individuals, both the person considering employment and the hiring manager considering signing them to the company, can oftentimes uncover potential challenges by asking a key question:
What happens if you and your friend are working where logistically you cannot interact at all or if we have to lay one of you off?
This question for the employer determines if the hire is being done on credentials, commitment, and understanding or strictly by recommendation and easy fix. It gives the individual jobseeker an opportunity to think about why they are considering the job. Is it to please their associated relationship or because they understand the responsibilities and core values of the company and are committing to the new job or new employer and a beneficial career move for them at this time?
Setting Boundaries When Referring Friends for Construction Jobs
Prior to my dating my husband, I matched him with an employer. He then immediately requested a previous friend and business associate join him at the company for the exciting project. That person immediately obliged, yet after mentoring under my husband in two jobs previous was now ready to lead a project and team on his own. He was irritable to others on the project and not fulfilled in his career until he ultimately left to achieve his goal of leading his own project—while in the middle of the project he had followed my husband to. I distinctly remember calling the lead executive at the time to discuss the situation, and his comment to me was that the project manager my husband brought over was my husband’s guy. There was no commitment or understanding from the executive in charge or the ownership at the company. They were only concerned with getting the project successfully built, and yet they held all the power for financial growth and stability through and after this project for that project manager who was the follower.
I am all for referrals if they are for the right reasons, fully vetted through a standard hiring process and clear boundaries set between the referring party, the referred individual, and the hiring managers for the company they will all work together within. Taking the time to complete that process demonstrates true mutuality, commitment, and understanding with all parties and sure does prevent a lot of broken friendships.
If you are a Construction Management professional and have a “follow your friend” opportunity and want help with ensuring it is a win-win situation, you can reach me by calling or texting my office at 305-361-0094 to schedule a chat or a full coaching session. I will be the first to cheer you on if it will help you thrive in your career!
